Dazed and Confused – What Happened to Me?

You must all be wondering where I’ve been for the past, I don’t know, month! I just want to make sure you all understand that not writing has been killing me but life has gotten in the way and things haven’t been so good lately. After getting many amazingly supportive responses from my Depression post, I think I’m able to tell you guys what’s been going on lately. This isn’t going to be a fun and light-weight post. It’s not going to be a long and in-depth one either. I’m not ready to go that much into details but I will be soon and when I am, you will be the first to know.

Depression is not something that just goes away or is completely cured. There are days you feel less upset and there are days where you feel at your worst. The problem is, I don’t know what I want to do with my life and that has led each day to become a more stressful and confusing version than the last. I feel very stuck in where I’m at right now. How do I know that I’m not wasting my time in university? Do I even really want to be here or was it just because it was simply expected from me? I always wonder how I would have chosen to live my life if there were no expectations. What if money didn’t exist and the world didn’t have to obsess over wanting more? What if we were all actually free?

I think that’s what has been terrifying me the most lately. I don’t feel free. I feel as though I’m doing what I am doing because this is how things are supposed to be. I’m supposed to go to university and then graduate school and then get a good job and make good money, but then what? Is that really all there is to life anymore? If so, it’s not enough for me. I just want more. I want to travel and see the world and skydive and learn how to belly-dance and ride a motorcycle and smash a plate at a Greek wedding and yell, “OPA!” and then I want to run to my desk at nighttime before I go to bed and write all about it. I just want to live because right now, I’m not. I’m not living the way I want to and I feel stuck in this place. I’m a zombie that just wakes up every day knowing that it will be filled with doing readings, assignments, labs and going to classes. I know I will be too tired to make myself a real dinner so I will settle for a bagel or Kraft Dinner yet again. I know that after that, I’ll be too exhausted that I will just pass out as soon as I hit my bed only to wake up and relive the same day again.

That being said, school has been even more difficult. Family problems are getting worse, financial problems increasing even more and my health is only partly functional because of the medication I’ve been prescribed. Despite everything, I still have hope. I know things will get better eventually and this is just another rough patch. The reason I haven’t been writing is because sometimes I fear what will come out. Sometimes I fear that I’ll expose too much and I also fear that what I say just won’t be enough. With hard times, writing helps the most and yet I fear doing it. That’s still something I’m working through. Either way, I am back and ready to stay on top of things this time.

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College Survival: The Reality of Moving Into Your Own Place

Some of you may know that since it is officially my second year of university, I have moved on from the life of residences, meal plans, and rule-oriented RA’s to a much more sophisticated life with a few of my closest girlfriends where we plan to enjoy the luxury of cooking our own meals, sweeping the hardwood floors, and paying rent for our house. For once in my life, I actually feel like an adult! It’s all exciting and wonderful — fireworks shoot up in your mind just thinking about it, right? Well, here is the reality of the situation:

    1. I Need My Mom to Help Me

      After hours of bringing all of my necessities into the house, my parents decided to just leave me to handle the rest. Me? Unpack? Alone? To be honest, I’m still unpacking my room and it’s been 4 days. I haven’t even gotten a chance to unpack the kitchen or the living room. AHHH! It may not seem like many days but if you saw the mess that is still laying on the floor and making my eyes twitch at night, you would understand how much of a failure I am at this job. If my mother were here, she would go all ‘super-mom’ on me and just do it all in a few hours while I would sit back, relax, and Netflix my life away

      You’d be surprised at how different it is to move into a house compared to moving into residence. My residence included furniture and a bed and so all I needed to do was place items in their right locations. When moving into a house, you have the opportunity to move around the furniture you bought which can be exciting and super stressful at the same time. The possibilities are endless and I don’t know what will look best. I need my mommy!

    2. We All Have Bug-a-phobia

      I realized that it would have been a smarter idea to live with my guy friends only because being the basic girls that we are, any sort of bug seems to lead to events including:
      – Jumping on-top of one another which then leads to injuries (I bruise easily)
      – Screaming at each other until someone gets the courage to go after the bug and kill it
      – Smacking everything around us (sometimes even each other) until the bug is gone for good
      – Sometimes there are even tears…

    3. Furniture is Expensive

      Being the typical broke university student, I cringed at every price-tag I read while on the hunt to purchase the perfect affordable furniture. The cheapest decent-looking ones that I could buy were ones that had to be assembled and so in the moment, I thought it would be totally doable. Let’s just say that it didn’t work out the way I had imagined, but that’s a story for another day.

    4. I’m Too Lazy to Cook

      The Freshman 15 is called the Freshman 15 because it is usually first-years who gain the weight. After that, you slowly and surely begin to control it (usually). At first, I had thought this was because in second-year, you have to buy groceries and that can get pretty expensive and sometimes you end up having no food to eat because you have no money to buy it. Life was a lot easier when I had a meal plan! Anyways, I have come to realize that yes, groceries are expensive, however even when I have groceries, I don’t want to cook. Don’t get me wrong, I love food. I live and breathe for food. But food takes time to make and you need different ingredients for each recipe and I have to walk all the way upstairs to my kitchen and I have a granola bar sitting right next to me so that is just going to be my lunch. Sad, but true.

    5. I Hate Doing Laundry

      I have a confession: My freshman year, I didn’t do laundry once by myself. A part of it was due to laziness and the other part was how expensive it was. I mean, $3 for one load to wash and then $3 for drying it? Puh-leeze! Instead, I chose to bring ALL of my dirty clothes home with me every time I visited which was almost once a month. But now I have no excuse because it is included in my rent and the laundry room is right across from mine. Fabulous…

    6. I Think I Need a Maid

      I suck at cleaning. Okay, that’s a lie. I just dread cleaning! You can probably tell that I despise doing what most “independent” people are supposed to be doing. However, after working at countless fast food restaurants, I have realized how much of a chore mopping and sweeping and cleaning the washrooms can actually be. Seriously, it is not my cup of tea. I know there are people out there with some sort of OCD for cleaning, but I am not one of them. Hopefully one of my housemates are! Can we all take a moment and pray for this to happen? Please?

And there you have it! Those are some of the realities of living on your own — parent free and rule free. To be honest, I practically just moved in (about 4 days ago) and I already began to notice all of these things. Maybe later on I’ll do a part two of this because I have a feeling things will get a bit more cray cray. Despite all of this, I love living on-campus. Of course there are some little things that I will have to adjust to, but it’s all worth it.

Linked up with: College Destination Blog Hop

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College Survival: The Secret to Time Management

After finishing my first year of university, I realized that there were a lot of things that I wish someone had told me or things that people did tell me that I wish I had actually listened to. So, I have decided that instead of you guys having to figure all of these tips and tricks to survival in college/university all by yourself, I will make a series of posts about things that I learned and think you should all know. You’re welcome people.

I’m not going to begin with a college packing list because there are already millions out there that you can find but here is my favorite: Her Campus: Best College Packing List Ever. Now, that list is something I wish I had my freshman year. Instead, I just chose to buy absolutely every unnecessary item you can think of, including a toaster and oven mitts. I later learned that there was a kitchen in residence that had a toaster and they were not allowed inside rooms. Also, I did not bake once while in res. Instead, my midnight snacks consisted mainly of microwavable Kraft Dinner. I probably should have researched a little bit before or something. Oh well!

College Survival Series: The Secret to Time Management
Anyways, I’m going to start off by talking about time management. First semester of university was a lot easier than I had imagined. I had a social life, my grades were good, and life was perfect…until the month of exams came around and I realized that I was a couple of weeks behind on ALL of my readings from EVERY single class. After that realization, I think a part of me died inside. You cannot imagine how real the struggle was. I practically had to learn everything from every class during the time I should have just been reviewing it. Lord was I a mess! I managed to still maintain a high GPA first semester but it wasn’t without endless days and nights of studying and zero communication with anyone around me. However, after learning a little secret that I will share with all of you, I changed all of that second semester. I still had a very good social life that included going to parties and events, attended meetings and wrote for the Her Campus chapter at my school AND did not fall behind on readings.

Tip #1: Don’t just do the readings you have to for your assignments. Do ALL of them so that once exam time comes around, you won’t be struggling with catching up as much as I did. I tried to find a loop-hole and failed. Stop being lazy and just do them people. 

So, you want to know the secret I learned? Here it is: Treat school like it is your job. Schedule your classes around a 9am-5pm schedule. You can adjust this according to what suits you best and what is possible for you. My classes began at 8:30am and so I adjusted those timings to a 8am-4:30pm day. This is your schedule for the weekdays and any extra time you have in-between your classes, you will be at the library completing any readings or upcoming assignments. Note that this is only for weekdays. And trust me, this saved my life. I realized how much extra time I had in-between my classes where I used to just goof off or watch Netflix, but getting all of my work done along with my classes on Monday-Friday from the hours of 8am-4:30pm meant that I had weekends off for social activities and my nights solely for doing whatever I wanted — *cough cough* writing.

Again for some people, a 9-5 schedule isn’t possible, so adjust the timings to those that will suit you best. This is something no one told me and many don’t even think of, but it works and I’ll tell you from experience that it works pretty damn well. Did I have to catch up on readings once during second semester? No. Did I leave any assignments to last minute? No. Did I get to keep a well-adjusted social life through all of this? Oh yes!

To keep your schedule intact, make sure you keep an agenda/planner and actually use it! I never used a planner in high school but in university, it is a necessity. This is where you schedule your classes, what you’ll be working on in the library, when you’re going to the gym, and your to-do list. Your agenda is your life.

Tip #2: As a motive to keep up with your agenda, use a variety of colored pens and sticky notes to make it appealing to you. It totally makes a difference!

Stay tuned for more posts that are coming up for the College Survival Series and good luck to all of you incoming freshman or upper year students! I’ll leave you all with two questions:

What are you most excited about going into school (or back to school) and what kinds of tips and tricks would you like to know about? 

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