We all seem to find a sense of comfort in familiarity. It’s like something in our life becomes so constant that we forget that there was once a time where we were able to live without it. Walking down the path towards my house, I came to the realisation that as much as I might say I hate this small town, I’m comfortable in it. As I walk, I’ll greet the kind couple who work at the convenience store and gaze at the same houses, capturing every angle of them as if I won’t ever see them again. I’ll see the same people stumbling on the sidewalk as they attempt to control the amount of alcohol in their system while I struggle to do the same. I’ll order the same food from the same restaurant and have a friendly conversation with the manager. It’s all the same and it will always remain that way. I’ve come to a point where I want more out of my life than this, and in 3 weeks, I will be beginning a whole new chapter. Right now, it’s all just bland, and in simpler terms, boring.
I want more, but I’m afraid of more. I’m terrified I won’t be able to handle another new town and new people, new traditions. I could dye my hair and change my wardrobe and present myself however I wish to. I could be someone completely different. I’ll probably be the same, but it’s always nice to have that option. I’ve always wanted this. Well, not always. This is the longest time I’ve ever stayed in one town. Seven years. Seven years of the same place. I wanted a place that I could call home but my family loved to move all the time. Unlike me, they love change. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate change. It just scares me. I won’t have my parents or my friends or the comfort of a small town. I’ll just have myself and hope that’s enough. I’ll have to build myself all over again without anyone’s help.
I guess it’s all hitting me now and that’s why I’m scared. I’m scared I won’t be enough. Maybe I won’t be good enough or smart enough or fun enough. But whatever happens, I’ll be satisfied that I gave it my all and showed these people and this school who I am and what I can do. And all I can do is make that effort and hope everything will be okay. Three more weeks. Three more weeks until I can learn to be happy and independent. Only time will tell how it’ll turn out. For now, all I can do is wait and enjoy the time I have left here.