I started this blog as a way to document my life, keep track of my growth and let out all that I once bottled inside. I do the same with my journals, though it’s a lot harder for me to read back on those entries than it is to read my old posts here. The great part about having old work is that you’re able to compare not only what your life once looked like, but also the progress you’ve made in your writing.
When I write a post here, it’s not scheduled. It’s published shortly after I write it and quickly edit. I like writing in the mornings and clearing my head-space, so sometimes I don’t even remember what it is that I wrote about. More times than not, I have to read back on the post before publishing to find a common theme that I can use to make the title.
The great part of this process that I chose is that I trust in the flow of it. Writing is the one place I can trust myself in, while other areas of my life carry a lot of doubt. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll have anything more to say, but as soon as pen meets paper, I find that I always do.
Some things written here are rough, choppy or not true to what I believe now. I don’t hold myself to the person who writes my blogs posts, my journal entries, my stories, or my poems. That’s because after I’ve written anything, it is now in the past.
I’m glad I get to bring you guys with me: readers, bloggers, and fellow writers, because you know exactly what I mean. Sometimes you write something that moments later, you don’t agree with anymore. Sometimes you need to write things that are true. Sometimes you need to write things to get more clarity on whether or not they are true. Sometimes you have to tell lies to tell the truth. Sometimes you have to be vulnerable to see your own truth.
I think that’s the most beautiful thing about any kind of art. It’s a courageous act, not because it’s hard to do. But because it opens up every part of yourself, even the parts that you don’t like to shine the light on. Those are the most interesting parts for me. The dark, the broken, the lonely.
I wrote a post once about how the things that I write are not who I am. I think sometimes when I try to explain this, it comes off as being unreliable. I don’t know if that’s accurate. I think it just shows that we’re a lot more complex than we make ourselves out to be or perceive others as.